unnoticed

"Unnoticed"
If she should be named again, this would be her name
She knows it, she feels it... when her figure dissolves in the crowd like a piece of sugar in a hot cup of tea
She's like a ghost , invisible , you don't "see" her unless you hit her by chance and after the " I'm sorry " " excuse me " murmurs , and a quick look at her face , you totally forget her , forget how she looks , like a ghost , she doesn't have a look , that's what she always think of herself , even when she looks in the mirror , she doesn't know how she looks , words like " beautiful " , " ugly " , or any other definitive descriptions doesn't apply there

She smiled at the thought that she can just disappear, vanish, sometimes she really appreciates this probability

She doesn't need all this scientific crab in "hollow man" movie; she's hollow, invisible without any special substances, without any tricks
Here she is, stepping out from the subway, out to the street
She felt the air - though cold at this time of the year- embracing her, as if the air reassures her that she exists, wanting the air to touch her skin, she loosened the scarf around her neck
" that's refreshing " she felt energy rise up inside her and she walked faster and as if the air was racing her , she felt the wind blowing gently at her face
She didn't feel her scarf, loosen up more till it flew behind
But he saw and felt
He was attentive that he almost ran... to save it from the ground
Something about the scarf , when he picked it up , made him stop for a while , He had a strange look on his face as if it was more than just a scarf , as if it was a rare flower grew somewhere on a steep mountain
But, he returned to his senses and hurried up behind the girl
- Miss... Miss... MISS
She was sure that this call wasn't for her; she usually doesn't look back to not feel stupid
But she looked back to see
- You dropped this ( trying to catch his breath )
- Oh... sorry... thanks
And she put it back casually on her neck
- No , no no , it will slip again , you warp it like this
And he approached to tie it for her, she drew back a step, she didn't really understand what he was doing, and felt it exceeded "being nice"
- Sorry , I didn't mean to
- It's ok
- It's just... ( and he paused for a while ) , it's a beautiful scarf actually , doesn't worth the wet ground , and next time you let it loose again , I guess no one will pick it up for you
(And he looked around meaningfully to the people passing, everyone on his way)
As you see, nobody cares! (Sad tone)
- Yes , I know
He watched her, tying her scarf properly around her neck
- Yes , that's much better , I'm sorry again , I didn't mean to bother you
- No , it's nice of you really , I just didn't get it right , I thought ..
- I understand , it's quite natural , it's not a friendly world after all
"Yes" , that's what she always thought , that's what she really wanted to say
They gazed at each other for a while , two existences recognizing each other by this very old tool of communication ; eyes
- Actually I want to thank you ! ( he said )
- Me ! , for what ?
- When I picked this scarf , it felt like I picked up my whole childhood in a single moment
- ??
- It's strange .. my mother used to own a scarf just like this one , the same colors , same texture
I wonder , it's a very weird question but , where did you get it ?
- It's my mother's !!!
They both looked at each other in a strangely funny way , and he said jokingly :
- Are you sure you're not my sister ?
- Oh my god , that's weird !! ( laughing )
- It is !
She wished they didn't stop laughing , but laughing unlike crying , it ends up fast , in spite of this wave of happiness that it spreads inside us
It stops , leaving sparkles of tears in the eyes , then the awkward silence , time stopped , while people kept passing them ,
She caught his eye again , and wished that he would say more , wished she have something to say
Her urgent need for words made them all vanish from her mind , although they keep floating in her head all the time , now that she needs them , she can't find a single word
She knew she has to end it , she has to say " thanks " and " goodbye " but she doesn't want !
" You're destined to be alone , you know that , what the hell are doing now ? , are you so desperate to fall for a guy you just met in the street ?!"
The annoying voice shouted in her head , and her pride ached , felt like a steel blade in her chest
- Thanks again .. I have to go now !! ( and she smiled formally )
- You're welcome ( confused by her sudden cold attitude )
She walked away , but he stood still for a while , a little confused , but then he moved on
" !!!! .. Are we going the same place or what ? " He said to himself , while he watched her ahead in his way
He saw her loosen up her scarf again with a nervous irritated move of her hand " is she angry ? " " Why do you care you nosy idiot !! "
But suddenly , the wind blew the scarf , and he looked to see it on his face ! , it slipped again !
She turned urgently and
- What 's this scarf has to do with me ? ( smiling at her )
Her features relaxed with a shy smile , he shrugged his shoulders
- I didn't catch it , it slapped me on the face actually , maybe he doesn't like me so much !
He handed her the scarf again
- It seems that we're going the same way , where are heading ?
She looked a little puzzled , this is too much for her , this is a load on her closed nature
- Don't worry , it's not that I'm going to ask you to buy me a drink or something
(Laughs )
- I mean ( paused , then said rather seriously ) I mean I would if you allow me , there's a café down the street ..
- You mean the " daisies " ?
- Yes .. if you don't mind
She opened her mouth to say something but she stopped and looked doubtedly at him
- That's …
- What ?
- I .. I was just going there to meet my friend
- Oh sorry , I didn't know …
- No , she has just called me and said she' s feeling ill and wouldn't come
- Great ! ( He said spontaneously ) .. No .. No , I meant ..
She laughed at his reaction
- Don't get me wrong , sometimes words pop up from my mouth before I even notice
- That's cute
- Believe me , it's not , it's a disaster , you'll see by yourself
And he paused and said : so , would you join me for a cup of coffee ?
She looked hesitated ,
- You're going there , and I'm going there , you'll drink your coffee , I'll drink mine , all the difference is , the cups will be on the same table , huge ! Isn't it ?
She couldn't help laughing
- Is u always good at simplifying things ?
- Life taught me !
So she walked and he walked by her side , and they kept talking
" Is it really that simple! , what a tricky world ! "
It even got better in the café , after the conversation has warmed up , words were coming up easier , flowing like a smooth river , gently sweeping away rocks and fading crushed leaves
Reflections and thoughts floated on her head , as she was more at ease
And he seemed interested , he knew he is
He felt it somehow , he knew she keeps this pocketful of colors and feelings and thoughts
He knew she's rich , couldn't understand why , he only saw her twice before
But her hidden smile attracted his wandering soul
Something he can't explain , like he can't explain right now why he's telling her this
- Actually she passed away years ago when I was 15 , my mother was the symbol of my happy childhood days , she was like a box of magical tricks , funny and graceful , unconditioned love for me and for life ,she always finds something new , every single day sometimes I thought I'm her only job ! , I was one lucky child , happiness felt like forever to me , no fears , no sadness
And paused for a while and smiled :
- Sometimes she said to me " you're my guarding armor ! "
His voice broke , he tried to smile and said jokingly
- I wish I was , but I was rather a wooden stick than armor at this time , I was so slim !
She laughed but sympathized the suppressed tears by his masculine ego
" Why don't men just cry ? " she said to herself
- You know what .. she knew exactly what she was talking about when she said that , you're really her armor , saving what looked her scarf today , simple as it seems , was heroic , it was like saving her memory , it didn't even touch the ground !
He couldn't help it , he desperately pressed his hands against his eyes to stop the rushing tears and then was a moment of silence , when he opened his eyes again they were perfectly red !
- I'm sorry
- No , don't be , what you said was really sweet , too sweet to be true
- It's true , I believe you are still the loving child she always wished for , I bet she's happy in heaven !
- I wonder .. How do you come up with these things ?
- What ? , my hallucinations ? ( joking ) yes , they keep me alive
- No , seriously
- I don't know , they just come up !
- I like them
She blushed , that's the strangest compliment anyone could hear ! Yet , the sweetest
She looked down at her drink to escape his softened gaze
" Oh my god ! She's real " she's flesh and blood out of his finest dreams
What was he feeling a moment ago ? Interested ? Is it all ? no it's definitely more , the freakily crazy word invading his sensations , but he can't speak it up , not the kind of words to be said on a first date , if it can be regarded as so !
But how long can he wait ?
How long the awaken child inside him can stand ? how can he be taught to be patient ?
She looked at her watch anxiously
- You have to go ?
- Yes , I guess I have to
They stood against each other , wishing to say something , wishing to stay , or find a good reason to !
He stretched his hand to shake hers and said deeply
- Will I ever see u again ?
- " ever " , it sounds big ! ( trying to escape the answer )
- I don't know , but you just look like a daydream
- Yeah , I am , actually when I walk out of this door , I will disappear and vanish
- ?
- I am invisible in case you didn't notice ( sad joking tone )
- Not to me
- Good eyesight !
- No , it's your good light , you're luminous !
They looked deeply in each other's eye and discovered the warmth they feel , dangerously and unreasonably warm near each other
- Ok .. I ..
- I know , but I hate goodbyes , it's a childhood complex , let it be " see you again "
- …..
- Ok then , I'll accept your goodbye , I hate to bother you .. it's just that ..
- I'd love to ..
- ?
- I'd love to see u again .. truly !
And she blushed even more and turned to walk away ,
- I WILL BE THERE
She turned her face with some glistening of tears in her eyes
- You will ?
- I swear I will !
She smiled and walked away
He will be there .. he will be waiting .. he will be searching the faces to find her pale face
Searching the eyes , to catch her small eyes
He will notice , if she's there or not , if she's sad or not , if she's wearing her scarf or left it home !
He will NOTICE
Cause from now on, she will be no longer... unnoticed.